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How To Be An Ally 101

By Suemita Teeluck



What is an ally?

An ally is simply someone who supports equal civil rights, gender equality, and LGBTQ+ social movements; advocates on behalf of others, and challenges fear and discrimination in all its forms.

Being an ally is an assistant, never the boss, allyship is active but never independent, ongoing but never personal.


What does an ally do?

Allies take concrete action to end social injustices that they do not personally experience. The goal is to disrupt systems of privilege to create an environment that is inclusive for all.


How can you be an LGBTQ+ ally?

As our world becomes more accepting of broader and more diverse identities, you may have questions about how you can better support the LGBTQ+ community, or what LGBTQ+ even stands for. Every person has their own journey in understanding what it means to support LGBTQ+ people, whether you’re LGBTQ+ or not. Here are some ways to support the LGBTO+ community and become an ally:


1. Be open to learn, listen and educate yourself

Part of being supportive to your LGBTQ+ friends and loved ones means developing a true understanding of how the world views and treats them. It sounds obvious, but to learn, you need to be willing and open to truly listen. Listen to your friend's personal stories and ask questions respectfully. Take it upon yourself to learn about LGBTQ+ history, terminology, and the struggles that the community still faces today. Sure, your friend may be happy to answer your questions but they are not a walking LGBTQ+ encyclopaedia! The Internet is a wonderful resource in this instance. In addition, support, follow, and donate to LGBTQ+ non-profits, organizations, queer creators, and businesses.

2. Check your privilege

Most of us (including those of us within the LGBTQ+ community) have some type of privilege whether it's racial, class, education, being cis-gendered, able-bodied or straight. Being privileged doesn't mean that you have not had your fair share of struggles in life. It just means that there are some things you won't ever have to think or worry about just because of the way you were born. Understanding your own privileges can help you empathise with marginalised or oppressed groups.

3. Don't assume

Don't assume that all of your friends, co-workers, and even housemates are straight. Don't assume someone's gender or pronouns. LGBTQ+ people don't look a particular way and someone's current or previous partner(s) doesn't define their sexuality. Someone close to you could be looking for support - not making assumptions will give them the space they need to be their authentic self and open up to you in their own time.

4. Think of 'ally' as an action rather than a label

It is easy to call yourself an ally, but the label alone isn't enough. Oppression doesn't take breaks. To be an effective ally you need to be willing to be consistent in your support of LGBTQ+ rights and defend LGBTQ+ people against discrimination. Anti-LGBTQ+ comments and jokes are harmful - let your friends, family and co-workers know that as an ally you find them offensive. It takes all members of society to make true acceptance and respect happen and your open and consistent support will hopefully lead as an example to others.

5. Confront your own prejudices and unconscious bias

Being an ally means you will often find that you need to challenge any bias, stereotypes, and assumptions you didn't realise you had. Think about the jokes you make, the pronouns you use and if you wrongly assume someone's partner is of a particular sex or gender just because of the way they look and act. LGBTQ+ prejudices can be subtle and transphobia and biphobia exist even within the LGBTQ+ community. Being a better ally means being open to the idea of being wrong sometimes and being willing to work on it. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

6. Know that language matters

We form human connections through language. The majority of us respect when someone changes their nickname – accommodating LGBTQ+ people’s names and pronouns are no different. If you are unsure of someone’s pronoun or label, just ask them respectfully. When meeting new people try integrating inclusive language into your regular conversations by using gender-neutral terms such as ‘partner’ and keep an eye on any unintentionally offensive language you may use every day.

7. Know that you will mess up sometimes – breathe, apologise, and ask for guidance

Accidentally assumed someone’s label? Having a conversation about someone who is trans or non-binary, and unintentionally used the wrong pronoun? It happens - don’t panic, apologise, and correct yourself with something along the lines of: "I’m sorry, that wasn’t the word I meant to use. I’m trying to be a better ally and learn the right terminology, but I’m still working on it. If you hear me misuse something, I’d really appreciate if you could let me know." Likely, the person you are talking to will know that this process of unlearning is new to you and will appreciate your honesty and effort! It will take time.

And remember…

  • Knowing LGBTQ+ people doesn’t automatically make you an ally. Allyship takes active work and time!

  • As an ally, you do not get to decide if you’re a good ally or not.

  • Members of the LGBTQ+ community do not owe you anything for being an ally!

  • Being an ally is not limited to social media. Translate your allyship everywhere you go. It isn’t just limited to marginalised voices. It’s about making spaces safe so that we can do that.

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References

1 Comment

Syrah Peyson
Syrah Peyson
Jun 17, 2022

this is beautiful, well done!

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